I was speaking with a platonic friend of mine who was being very explicit about his sex life with his girlfriend. Because I have known him for so long, it did not occur to me to be uncomfortable until he asked me if I was, at which point I felt a little bit guilty.
Would the woman being discussed be offended if she knew that I was privy to the sordid details of her most intimate pastime? I really do not know. She and I are somewhat close, though not as close as I am with her boyfriend, since he was a good childhood friend. Does it matter that I am a woman? Should he even be talking about this to friends, or is it no one's business?
In an age when morals are flexible and relationships take varying forms, what boundaries are to be implemented in these situations? Especially since professionals all have different opinions about what constitutes healthy levels of openness.
If I had a boyfriend who talked openly with friends about how much sex we had, what type, etc, I would be really irritated, because it distributes something that I thought just belonged to me, cheapens it, and I would, of course, feel exposed. Though, I talk about sex with my girlfriends till the cows come home, so I would probably turn a blind eye. The thing I would find unacceptable is my significant other talking about sex with female friends, I'd like to think it wouldn't bother me, but I think in heterosexual relationships, these things really do matter. It puts the subject of sex on the table, and while I personally have never allowed to lead to unfaithfulness, one could imagine the possibilities.
With all that said, my feelings in this instance aren't necessarily mirrored by every woman on the planet, and certainly not every man. However, to keep the slate as clean as possible, I told me? No, but from here on out I will steer the conversation to more considerate territory.
penny.n.copper@gmail.com
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
Thursday, November 8, 2012
Addiction
I've talked a lot about vices on this blog, especially in regard to ones that affect our health, but today I am focusing on societal perceptions of addiction, and the kind of AA culture we currently live in.
This probably applies most directly to alcohol, and maybe pot, than anything else.
If someone regularly uses, say, crack cocaine, methamphetamine or heroin, the compulsion to use and the effects of this use are so consistently bad with practically one hundred percent of users, that it's ridiculous to suggest that people who become addicted to it could ever develop a healthy relationship with that particular substance. You cannot expect to be successful, professionally or personally, while under the influence of one of those things.
However, do the same rules apply to marijuana, and alcohol? I think those can be measured by the impact they have on your life. I think people can be heavy drinkers or smokers without being addicts. While neither of those things are especially "good" for you, I think the attitude toward them can be adjusted if a person is found to be addicted.
While alcohol has addictive properties, the draw to smoke weed and drink is much more emotional than that of the harder drugs listed above, which do comfort you emotionally, but with those, the need to use has less to do with circumstances and more to do with impulse. Alcohol, I suppose, can be dependent on either, but that's my point, many people could probably reorient the way they respond to life and their emotional triggers, and, I think, contrary to what a lot of addiction specialists say, redefine the relationship to softer drugs, and thus how one uses them.
It's worth it to think of food or sex addiction for comparison. Many of us feel that we have an addiction to certain kinds of foods, for some it's sex with random people, yet we do not implement the same sets of rules, we acknowledge that after treatment people will continue to eat and have sex.
Why can't we format the way we think about alcohol in the same way? After writing this it has occurred to me that weed doesn't get the same wrap as a life ruining substance, but i'm pretty sure its excessive use has cost some people jobs. . . Comment and subscribe please.
penny.n.copper@gmail.com
This probably applies most directly to alcohol, and maybe pot, than anything else.
If someone regularly uses, say, crack cocaine, methamphetamine or heroin, the compulsion to use and the effects of this use are so consistently bad with practically one hundred percent of users, that it's ridiculous to suggest that people who become addicted to it could ever develop a healthy relationship with that particular substance. You cannot expect to be successful, professionally or personally, while under the influence of one of those things.
However, do the same rules apply to marijuana, and alcohol? I think those can be measured by the impact they have on your life. I think people can be heavy drinkers or smokers without being addicts. While neither of those things are especially "good" for you, I think the attitude toward them can be adjusted if a person is found to be addicted.
While alcohol has addictive properties, the draw to smoke weed and drink is much more emotional than that of the harder drugs listed above, which do comfort you emotionally, but with those, the need to use has less to do with circumstances and more to do with impulse. Alcohol, I suppose, can be dependent on either, but that's my point, many people could probably reorient the way they respond to life and their emotional triggers, and, I think, contrary to what a lot of addiction specialists say, redefine the relationship to softer drugs, and thus how one uses them.
It's worth it to think of food or sex addiction for comparison. Many of us feel that we have an addiction to certain kinds of foods, for some it's sex with random people, yet we do not implement the same sets of rules, we acknowledge that after treatment people will continue to eat and have sex.
Why can't we format the way we think about alcohol in the same way? After writing this it has occurred to me that weed doesn't get the same wrap as a life ruining substance, but i'm pretty sure its excessive use has cost some people jobs. . . Comment and subscribe please.
penny.n.copper@gmail.com
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